The Real Big D: Depression

Over a year ago, an airline pilot, accused of crashing an airliner into the side of a mountain in the Alps, may have had “problems with depression”.

My first thought after hearing that news story was "why would a young guy, with a great job and his entire life ahead of him, want to kill himself -- and a hundred other people also?" It doesn't make sense. But then -- it doesn't make much sense no matter what the circumstances. Such is depression.

Depression is like the hidden plague that no one really wants to talk about, and it only makes the news when somebody who is dealing with depression goes over the edge, and something drastic happens.

IT'S THE REAL 'BIG D'

Depression, for anyone who has experienced it, is the real big D. It’s true that it sometimes gets a bit of publicity in the press -- with newspaper articles explaining how large a percentage of the population has it, or how many people deal with it.

But usually it’s shoved away in the corner of society’s back closet -- the closet with the junk you don’t want anyone to see. And if it lasts a while, the big D can give one that sense that nothing in life is happening, and life itself slowly begins to look more and more pointless. All is apathy.

It’s all around us – there are probably people in every social circle that are dealing with the big D, and no one (especially if they are men) wants to talk about it because it’s perceived as a sign of weakness.

So many people deal with it I sometimes wonder if it is a "Western" disease or has become an American disease.

PRESCRIPTION DRUGS AND HERBAL MEDICATIONS 

And even though the big D sometimes is described as a national health problem, no one seems to have an answer for it, aside from prescription drugs. And although anti-depression meds often work well, they can also be a mixed bag.

I know one person who was dealing with depression a couple years ago, and she was given a prescription medication for it. She said that it helped the depression, but she also told me that the medication also erased – or reduced -- a lot of other feelings, too. 

You could see a car wreck on the freeway, for example, and instead of feeling a sense of shock or some sort of empathy, it just sort of went in one eye and out the other. She liked the fact that the depression was reduced, but wasn’t so sure about the erased emotions.

I know another woman who was depressed and she tried St. John’s Wort, an over the counter herb that has some weak anti-depressive effects. She told me the herb really helped her.

[A caveat for people trying St. John’s: The side effects are sunlight sensitivity in some people. Always use sunscreen when taking the herb, and if you are in bright sunlight, wear UV sunglasses. And like with any herb, you always have to listen to your body – and if you’re taking prescription meds, or have a medical condition, run it past your doctor, as some herbs interact with prescription medications.]

AN INCREASINGLY FRAGMENTED SOCIETY

Medications aside, who knows the real reason people get depressed?

Maybe some of it is genetics. But much of it I believe is societal.

Even in today’s “connected” world, we live in a fragmented society, with massive social pressures. And many of our societal institutions (marriage, family) are fragmenting. Combined with a sense of isolation, these factors can be a bad mix -- a terrific recipe to trigger someone into Depression.

Humankind is a social animal by nature. But a large percentage of the population feels isolated and alone. Modern day relationships have an increasingly temporary nature. Marriages don’t last, love relationships are temporary and cheating is rampant, friendships can often be just superficial, and even family relationships can have a temporary or partial nature.

Increasing numbers of people in the U.S. live alone or have few real social connections, which makes them feel increasingly isolated.

In my own city on the West Coast of the U.S. it is estimated that half the households are single people. That sounds terrific, until you realize that living alone is one of the factors that can cause a person to feel alienated or isolated from society.

THE NEGATIVE INFLUENCE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media may counteract some of the isolation, but it’s not a solution, and in some cases it can make people more apt to fall into various degrees of Depression.

I know some people with numerous Facebook friends, numerous social media followers, high numbers of of 'likes' on their posts and pictures -- and yet they still are dealing with depression. With their smart phone they may be constantly connected with numerous other people, and have all the social media and apps: FB, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, various other messaging and chat apps, etc. etc. -- and they still deal with depression.

The problem is the superficial and trivial nature of many social media 'friendships' and 'followers'. Such relationships can be real, but often their only real value is a number count, and such "friendships" are often superficial at best.

Social Media has replaced quality of friendships with quantity, and has replaced real friendships with networking. Networking is important, and it can augment real friendships, but networking can not replace real friendships with real people.

One of the problems with the internet is that it's easy to hit a 'like' button and pretend you care, when you really don't. It's also easy to never hit a 'like' button when someone maybe really could use it. It's easy to use the delete button or back button, rather than actually deal with someone.

And it's easy to overlook people you know on social media because there is just so much competition for attention -- individuals and friends just get lost in the vast internet static.

And the drama? Yeah -- who can forget the drama?

With all the political arguments and dramas that I've seen happen on sites like Facebook, social media can become more of a negative than a positive. I've seen people "de-friend" others over trivial political and religious arguments -- or even for no reason at all.

In the pre-social media world, it took a hell of a lot for friends to dump friends.

In today's social media climate, all you do is click a button. 

SOCIAL MEDIA AND SMART PHONES AS A CHEATING TOOL -- DAMAGING RELATIONSHIPS

Social media has made it easier to cheat, or push boundaries in love relationships to the breaking point.

An example: a survey of U.S. divorce lawyers says that one in five U.S. divorces involve social media in some way -- usually by spouses seeking out former partners, or chatting sexually with someone other than their spouse.

It is estimated that 30% of people who use online dating sites (as well as dating and hookup apps) are already married (who knows what percentage who use them are in another form of commitment), and there are entire websites dedicated to helping you find sex on the side (the now defunct Ashley Madison and its replacements, etc.). There are websites in nearly every city in the U.S. with listings for 'casual encounters' where one can find people actively looking to cheat on their spouse or partner. Whereas in the past one had to actually work at cheating, today it's easy as flipping on your smart phone.

Smart Phones and social media make it easier to cheat than ever before.

Just by using your smart phone, you can hunt for relationships on the side, message, chat, text, sext, email, arrange meetings, send and receive snap pics -- all kinds of sneaky things behind your partner's back. You don't even have to be in another room.

You can do it 24/7, even while sitting right next to your partner while watching TV. All on your smart phone. It's instant, and it's easy. And it's done probably millions of times by people every day.

While cheating has always been around, the fact that social media and the internet has made it so much easier to cheat has destroyed trust in relationships, and because of it, people can become more bitter, distrusting and isolated.

I'm not a psychologist, but I think divorce and cheating both contribute to depression in lots of people. I haven't met a person yet who was cheated on and felt great about it. I've met very few people who recently had gotten divorced and were truly happy about it. Usually splits lead a person's mood into the opposite direction -- opening them up to a form of Depression.

WEBSITES AND WEB FEATURES THAT PLAY WITH ONE'S SELF ESTEEM

Low self-esteem can be a depression trigger, and there are websites whose entire existence is centered around playing with one's self esteem. There is more than one popular website where you place photos for people to rate you by your looks. The rating number goes up or down, depending on the percentage of people who rate you as "hot".

They slide or tap their button on their smart phone and instantly rate you as good or bad. Instant approval -- or instant rejection, all based on a couple of photos. In the past, judging someone solely by their looks was derided, but now it's a popular way to hook up for sex or find dates. The slick thing about it is that it's fast. The shitty side of it is that you literally are voting someone up or down based on their picture, and their rating is shown publicly.

You don't even have to talk to the person: in fact, you don't interact at all. It's all based on looks, and looks alone -- it's very superficial. So what happens when you first rated an 8, but you now are a 6? What happens if you never rated at all? What happens if your friends are all 8's and 9's and you're a 5?

The concept can sound innocuous, but many people using sites like the one described are looking for affirmation from the opposite sex, where it can do the most damage if it's in the negative.

Social media sites usually have 'like' buttons, which is a cheap way to say "you're cool" or "I agree". Some people crave 'likes' because of this. So what happens if you don't get enough likes? If you are looking for affirmation of your own self worth by watching the number of 'likes' you get, what happens to your self esteem when you get a lot less 'likes' than the person next to you?

Once again -- it looks innocuous on the outside, but it can harm people.

SOME STUDIES LINK SOCIAL MEDIA TO DEPRESSION

There have been studies linking social media use and Depression. Here are some links:

(An article discussing these studies: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/04/facebook-envy_n_6606824.html)
(Another article quoting a study on FB use and depression: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/facebook-study_n_5595890.html)
(Another article mentions FB use and personality disorders, including envy and depression:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-firestone/facebook-narcissism_b_1905073.html -- 
"Facebook users were also more likely to negatively compare themselves to others and feel worse about themselves.")

The studies hint that 'envy' is the key trigger -- a person spends time on Facebook (you could substitute any popular social media app or site), they see all these wonderful things others are doing, see all these glamorous pictures of others, numbers of 'likes' others receive, large 'friend' numbers, huge number of 'followers', etc. -- and feel like their own life just doesn't match up to it.

An internet 'meme' or placard which made its rounds (in various forms) on Instagram about 2 years ago. An example of social media not being the social panacea it is often touted to be. Caveat emptor.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS A TWO-EDGED SWORD FOR PEOPLE WHO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION

Social media seems to be a two-edged sword. It can make people feel more connected -- and it can indeed connect people. You can re-discover old friends, and stay connected with them, even if they are hundreds of miles away.

You can meet new people, and find valuable new relationships, and you are not limited by your own small geographic area. For these reasons, social media and the internet can definitely help people interact with others and be a positive.

But -- social media can also make people feel more alienated and alone, and its use can damage relationships and damage an individual's self esteem if they don't receive enough positive affirmation, or if they feel left out, when compared to others. Seeing other people looking like jetsetters -- when your own online life appears less glamorous -- can be a negative, as shown in the above studies.

POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

Aside from prescription drugs, some people suggest the power of positive thinking as a solution for depression. There is a book called “The Power Of The Subconscious Mind” (by Joseph Murphy) that I once read, which talks about using your thoughts, and injecting ideas into your subconscious mind to bring about positive change in your life.  

I wasn’t dealing with depression when I read the book, so I have no idea if it -- or books like it -- could help depression. But I can see some value in the idea.

Maybe some day someone will come up with the grand solution to end all depression. Until then, various coping mechanisms or anti-depression medications seem to be the only things available to counter it.

SOME SUGGESTIONS

Unless you live in one of those small enclaves where community and family are strong, relationships last and are stable, the best thing you can do if you are prone to depression is to avoid the pitfalls of modern life that seem to be recipes for it. Know your triggers and steer clear of them. If it's the news, for example -- lay off watching the news and find something else to occupy your mind.

Get a cat or dog, or a bird. Pets are always there for you, no matter what.

Be very careful with social media.

Don't look to others for reaffirmation, and don't seek reaffirmation online.

Get a hobby, or take up music or some sort of expressive art, like writing, drawing or painting. Music pulled me through a lot of tough times.

I also found St. John's helpful. I had a minor bout of depression when my stepfather died several years ago. The herb seemed to take the edge off of the lows.

Note: I first put this blog post together over a year ago... I'd completely forgotten about it. Periodically I'd make changes, and than forget about it again... I decided to go ahead and publish it, if only because of all the typing it took to write it. :-) C.C. 8-24-2016